


Dungeons And Dumbasses

by egolagoon



Series: Horizon Drabbles [2]
Category: Log Horizon
Genre: D&D, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 08:46:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8156180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egolagoon/pseuds/egolagoon
Summary: "Well," Shiroe coughs, and then coughs again. "I suppose your- ah, you, better make your way to the inn, sir...?""Lord," Tetora promptly interrupts, "he's definitely a lord. Lord Asswaster."





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so in love with this AU concept. It's perfect for these characters.

"I can't believe this." Noatsugu stares down at his newest character sheet with a mixture of awe and disgust.

Akatsuki looks impressed.

"Well," Shiroe coughs, and then coughs again. "I suppose your- ah, you, better make your way to the inn, sir...?"

"Lord," Tetora promptly interrupts, "he's definitely a lord. Lord Asswaster."

"Mm, it does have quite the ring to it." Chief agrees solemnly.

By this point Shiroe needs to take a swig of Gatorade to mask his laughter. It only really succeeds in making him choke. 

"Actually, I believe it's pronounced 'ass-vahyster,' you uncultured plebs," Akatsuki chimes in curtly.

"Right. Lord Homeslice McAsswaster the paladin," Shiroe nods, wheezing a little. "Is he German? I assume he's German."

Tetora leans back, affronted. "You assume too much! He's a Ukrainian immigrant, obviously. Learn the difference, Mr I'm-Too-Good-To-Make-A-Character-Dungeon Master."

Noatsugu drops his head into his hands to better wallow in shame. "Guys, come on. I did this when I was like nineteen. Homeslice barely deserves to be recognised as a real thing, let alone given a backstory."

"Please - you are not trashing a character you just rolled perfect stats on." Akatsuki jabs him in the side. "Now get moving. Lord McAsswaster is looking for work, and we just happen to have found a nice juicy quest right here in the Blind Raven."

"You know what he should have?" Chief muses. "An anti-charisma stat." Tetora cackles gleefully.

"No no, give him, like, plus ten skill versus rentboys."

Shiroe clears his throat loudly. "Alright, look - Lord Homeslice gets a plus three skill bonus when fighting succubi, incubi, or whatever, and has to roll against someone's intelligence before he can roll for charisma. Fair?" There are noises of assent all around the table. He turns to Naotsugu. "And maybe - maybe - he'll be given a new title for his heroic deeds if you all manage to make it through alive."

"Fine," the brunette sighs, scribbling the information down on his sheet.

"I, for one, think he will turn out to be a valuable addition to the party," Chief decrees, adopting the noble lilt of his own character's voice.

"Anything would be a valuable addition to the party at this point," Akatsuki says dryly.

Tetora cheers at the easy acquiescence. "Yeah! Let's get started then, shall we? Sailor Double Rainbow has a brave new world to win over with her awesome healing magics!"

In the end, Lord Homeslice McAsswaster doesn't change his name. He, does, however, prove to be an invaluable party member on the road to Rodrom, and a real blessing in their legendary struggle against the twink demon king Anil the Thirsty. Sadly, Naotsugu manages to 'misplace' Homeslice's character sheet before their next session. 

And thus, his tale ends there. His time was short, but the merciless teasing done in his name will live a life eternal.

**Author's Note:**

> Since I'm trying to get better at this short form shit, (is a sufferer of chronic unfinishers syndrome) come and request me over here http://egogoon.tumblr.com
> 
> I'll give any pairing or scenario a go, so feel free to drop me a line if there's something you want to see in the fandom but haven't managed to find.


End file.
